I am going to admit something very dumb: I thought I really could not get afraid. I thought that afraid for me meant cold, flat, and distant, as the very few dangerous times I have encountered in my life caused that reaction. Every horse emergency aroused--or rather--flattened my emotions, so that I could not feel anything until well after the event.
Cue the computerized testing. Sans scratch paper.
Somehow this setup short circuited my brain, so that I am now intimately familiar with the depths of anxiety and the reality of panic attacks. There is some thought within the Lyme community as to how Lyme can affect the mood of its victims. Anxiety is one of those unfortunate things.
Add in all the stress of med school, having to deal with the whole scenario again because of illness, and you get a perfect storm. Of the anxiety sort.
Some compensation/comfort comes in pill form...I can feel when the drug kicks in, as if it almost physically turns back the dial on the white noise that accompanies the panic insanity.
Everyone always quotes that old saw to me about how doctors should be a patient for a week to understand what you have to go through. Honestly, though, I wish I did not understand this.
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